I am concerned that I repeated myself quite often. I feel like I ran out of things to say and got very redundant. I need some new ideas of what to write about so I won't be repetitive and to make it longer.
Anne Katherine your paper is very good, and it is slightly repetitive, but you are talking about a toothbrush so it is understandable to run out of ideas for your first draft. It is very detailed though, and that is a good thing. One idea that I can give you is that when you talk about whitening teeth, to show how americans put a lot of emphasis on it, talk about the fact that there are so many products of whitening strips and toothpastes and gum that advertise whiter teeth. That could possibly be an entire paragraph, not sure. Also, the details you are discussing are good, but in order to rid your paper of repetition and possibly add even more depth on some of your points, it might be best if you make an outline of your paper. This way you will know your points better, and instead of repeating you will be able to tell where you need to eleborate more. I hope this helps.
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Anne Katherine your paper is very good, and it is slightly repetitive, but you are talking about a toothbrush so it is understandable to run out of ideas for your first draft. It is very detailed though, and that is a good thing. One idea that I can give you is that when you talk about whitening teeth, to show how americans put a lot of emphasis on it, talk about the fact that there are so many products of whitening strips and toothpastes and gum that advertise whiter teeth. That could possibly be an entire paragraph, not sure. Also, the details you are discussing are good, but in order to rid your paper of repetition and possibly add even more depth on some of your points, it might be best if you make an outline of your paper. This way you will know your points better, and instead of repeating you will be able to tell where you need to eleborate more. I hope this helps.
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